No, I don’t have some massive marketing strategy that is going to out recruit ISIS. After all, the number of followers that ISIS has or had at some point might be a little sketchy, but it is in the 10,000 plus range I am sure. Now, I am in the first 2 months of the blog averaging about 10,000 a month, but that is not the figure I am going for here. Rather, I currently have a Facebook following of just under 200 on my Facebook page Unprecedented Mediocrity. While I don’t see that number jumping past 10,000 soon, although feel free to go like the page and give it a shot, I am of the opinion that the ISIS numbers will soon drop below 200. So here are 5 reasons why my blog will have more followers than ISIS.
1. No one is dropping bombs on my followers. That’s right. I don’t know all 200 of my Facebook followers, but I suspect that they are not the target of a tomahawk cruise missile. While I can’t say for certain that any of my followers are not somehow being watched by a government drone, I don’t think they are at imminent risk for being bombed. This gives my followers a much longer life expectancy.
2. My blog has international appeal while ISIS has international scorn. Yes, its true. Last time time I checked my site visit stats, I had been visited by person’s from 53 countries. Now granted, some of those were one time visits, but I assume those people read one article and then had a heart attack as the immense joy overwhelmed them.
Now, I might have pissed off Russia with my post, 5 Reasons Russia Will Always be the Bad Guys, but hey, you can’t be liked everywhere. Meanwhile ISIS, you are hated everywhere. You even got countries that we didn’t even know had F-16’s to bomb you last night. That’s right ISIS, you just got bombed by the United Arab Emirate Maverick and Iceman. Not Goose, because I assume the UAE Goose is still dead.
3. The Cost for Following Unprecedented Mediocrity is quite low. Its free actually unless you want to make a donation in which case I will take it. However, your bandwagon ISIS members are going to start doing a quick cost benefit analysis now that steel is beginning to fall from the sky on them.
They will examine life in your new caliphate and the 75% chance of being blown to bits. Then whether they just get tired of death from above or they miss their particularly attractive goat, they will leave you. Now in full disclosure, I have had a couple of unlikes on my facebook page. I don’t know what it was I said to them, but the least they could have done was given me a Dear John letter. So good riddance I say.
4. My blog gives good advice. I even warned ISIS this was coming ISIS in my Open Letter to ISIS. Did they listen, no they didn’t. You want to know who did listen, President Obama. I am certain he read my follow up article, Don’t Make Me Look Stupid Obama, and that’s why ISIS is having a bad day at this very moment. What advice does ISIS have to offer? I’d like to see the guy who advised ISIS that pissing of the US was a good idea. If your read my blog, you will have a pathway to an unprecedentedly mediocre life. And right now, that sounds a lot better than the life of an ISIS foot soldier watching the sky with fear.
5. Lastly, my blog will have more followers because ISIS is doomed. Why is ISIS doomed? Because America has this guy below on our side. You can’t lose with this guy.