Boots on the Ground Iraq

Growing up, one of my favorite movies was Hot Shots: Part Deux.  The hilarious tale of Lloyd Bridges and pre-tiger blood Charlie Sheen taking down Saddam Hussein.  Set in 1993, the movie has some hilarious and scary aspects to it that almost seem prophetic to one degree or another.  Go back and watch the fight scene between the President and Saddam, but just for fun, pretend Lloyd Bridges is actually George W. Bush.  But it is only as I sit here contemplating the official announcement from Secretary of Defense Ashton Carter that the US will begin direct operations on the ground that I have realized we are officially past Part Deux territory and we are full on into Iraq: Part Trois.  Have been for sometime now, but the announcement officially labels it.  As absurd as that might be, I am not opposed to it. I was on the fence for some time, but as ISIS displayed a shocking ability to commit atrocity after atrocity, I caved.  However, I am not without pre-conditions and I would like to share them with the world before I give Obama my permission.


When my older brother stormed into Iraq during the Gulf War, Part Un, we were told it was only done to protect the oil of the Middle East.  When I stormed into Iraq with the Marines in 2003, Part Deux, the accusation levied against us was that we were only doing it to take Iraq’s oil.  And now as we enter Part Trois, I thinking it is about time we get us some of that freaking oil.  Because after 3 times in Iraq that spans 25 years, we have pretty much put a ring on it and Iraq better Beyoncé up and give us some of that oil.  We spent a trillion dollars trying to bring Iraq into modernity and while we made plenty of mistakes on our own, this failure of the Iraqi State is as much the fault of the Iraqi people as anyone.  I was there in 2003 and I’ll tell you, that they had a real shot at making this thing work.

war veteran suicide


Back in 2003, I was very defensive about that accusation.  Being in my early 20’s and a staunch supporter of Bush post 9-11, I was offended by the idea that all our actions were to merely rape the nation of its oil.  I’m a little older and wiser now and I’m just here to tell the world, Iraq needs to give up some of that oil.  Because I don’t have a problem with that premise today.  As far as I am concerned, as long as boots are on the ground in Iraq, we ought to have a tanker ship pumping that stuff out like it’s hot.  Every GWOT Veteran should get free gas and oil changes for life with the amount of oil I think we should take as payment.  Because once we leave, Iraq is just going to cozy up to Iran and Russia and I am not a fan of leaving a party we didn’t want to come to anyway without some swag for ourselves.

The Islamic State, Daesh, or Whatever you want to call them.

To borrow a line from Hot Shots Part Deux when Lloyd Bridges was fighting Saddam, “First guy to die, loses.”  This is a death match between civilization and human beings who have no place in modernity.  We have tried dropping expensive bombs on them from afar for over a year now.  How many women and children were raped during that span of time?  How many people were burned alive, drowned, or thrown from rooftops? All of that tragedy only to be here with our boots on the ground today.

Boots on the ground Iraq

We were repeatedly told that we can’t defeat ISIS by killing them and I’m all like, Russia is going to give it a shot.  Why don’t we try this kill them all strategy ourselves and see how it feels?  Because what these men have done to their fellow human beings leads me to believe they needed to be hunted down for the sum of their existence on this earth like Nazi War Criminals.   If we find an elderly Daesh fighter, 50 years from now smoking a hookah pipe in Damascus, then we need to drag his butt up by his old man beard and serve him justice.  I am confident the horrors that will be revealed when ISIS is deposed will shock the conscience of humanity.

If we are going to do this war thing, then let’s do Part Trois Right so that my son doesn’t have to do Part Quatre.  Let’s do it the primary way a war has been won throughout the sum of human history.  To quote the famous General Mattis, “Find the enemy that wants to end this experiment (in American Democracy) and kill every one of them until they’re so sick of the killing that leave us and our freedoms intact.”  Did you hear anything about jobs in that quote?  My goodness, it sounds like ISIS listens to General Mattis better than we do if you just replace “freedoms” with “medieval backwards lifestyle.”

In Conclusion

However it pans out, we are back in Iraq whether you, I, or the President like it or not.  I have no doubt that our recent increase in activity is motivated by the emergence of Russian forces in the region and our abysmal failure at everything else we have tried to date.  All I am saying is that we shouldn’t be ashamed to get some oil interest on the blood and treasure we have spent in Iraq over the past 25 years and we should go all Al Capone on anyone who ever waived an ISIS flag.  I give you cheap oil, dead war criminals, and even this tactical video below on how aggressive we should be.  But be sure and like the Unprecedented Mediocrity Facebook page below before you watch the video for the latest news on Part Trois as it unfolds.

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