I’m shaking my head white people. I mean just shaking it back and forth over and over. While it is sad that hashtags and twitter comments can trend to take over the news cycle in the first place, it happens. The hashtag #BoycottStarWarsVII has been flowing through the twitterverse over the past 24 hours. The last of the new Star Wars trailers has made its debut and apparently a select group of white people have decided that the multi-cultural cast, which includes a black protagonist, is an intentional effort at forcing anti-white propaganda on the world. That’s right, the new Star Wars movie is anti-white propaganda because there are too many non-white people in the movie. Now, I consider myself an expert on white people, what with me being white since birth and all. As such, I feel like I can speak authoritatively on behalf of white people when I say that is just the dumbest thing I have ever heard. However, the dumbest part about it all is that they are actually using that hashtag to call for a boycott of the new Star Wars movie. And were it not so cliché, now would be the perfect time to post a picture of Robert Downy Jr dressed like a black man to remind white people, that you never go full something.
It is Freaking Star Wars!
Are you freaking kidding me? You want me to forgo seeing the next installment of the epic Star Wars saga that I have grown up on, because you don’t think there are enough white people as main characters. Listen up white people who concocted this idea. What you are asking for is simply more than a human is capable. This is freaking Star Wars. People of all colors and nationalities have been watching these trailers with the giddy excitement of a schoolgirl. It is an epic tale that has captivated the world, but no, we white people apparently have to give that up because you created a hashtag. Here is the trailer by the way.
Hear this #BoycottStarWarsVII, if the price of admission to Star Wars were to pay full reparations, I would gladly pay it. If J.J. Abrams cast Louis Farrakhan as the good guy who only allowed minorities to become Jedi, I would still watch it. If watching this movie meant a vote for an Obama third term, then I am watching this movie. Ok, wow, that last one might have been a stretch, but you get the point. The Force has awoken people. There are lightsabers, the Millennium Falcon, and did I mention lightsabers. It is Ric Flair wooooooo time people. Say it with me now, woooooooooo!
It is Freaking Outer Space!
Emperor of racist white people, you have failed. I am a reasonable white person like my father before me. I have a mind that doesn’t get rattled at the site of minorities. I don’t believe a more racially diverse nation means I am somehow losing. Which also means that when a science fiction movie set in a galaxy far far away doesn’t feature enough white people, I’m ok with that too. It is freaking outer space! What does white or black have to do with any of it? They have fish head people, green people, people covered in fur, and even this guy below? I mean what is that and most importantly, what is his position on racial relations on planet earth?
This is the dumbest thing any white person has gotten upset about since they claimed Lando Calrissian was only named the Chief of Cloud City because of affirmative action. I mean, this is just the worst. Now I know that 99% of white people agree with me and think this is silliness. But to those of you out there planning to boycott this movie, I just want to say, thank you. Because it is going to be really crowded at every movie theater for about a month and if that means the lines are even a little shorter because a few lily white fragile pansies threw a twitter temper tantrum, then great. In fact, I might start another twitter account just to help this boycott along and see if I can’t get the lines a little shorter. How does #StarWarsDoesntLikeWhitePeople sound?
Once again, it is freaking Star Wars people and if you don’t see my white behind there on opening day, please have the police do a welfare check on me as my sudden death is the only explanation. If I have to sit in Al Sharpton’s lap and feed him popcorn like a mother bird to a baby bird in order to see this movie, it is going to happen. Now somebody send this article to J.J Abrams and see if he can’t actually help me score some tickets for opening day. Carry on America and as they say in the movie, Live Long and Prosper. Calm down, I’m just messing with you. May the force be with you regardless of the color of your skin. If You Plan to See the New Star Wars Movie, hit Like Below on the Unprecedented Mediocrity Facebook Page.
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