University of Texas Dildo Protest

The State of Texas recently passed a law that allows gun owners to conceal carry a firearm on public colleges and universities to begin in 2016.  You may have heard by now, but a group of students at the University of Texas at Austin are planning to protest the move by open carrying large sex toys on their backpacks when school begins next year.  Now, I do need to divert and make an apology to those reading this blog.  For I am not a profane man and you can probably count the times in over a year on one hand where I have typed profanity here.  But I must warn you, I am going to have to say the world dildo a lot.  It is not my joy to do so, but I must go where the news takes me.  And for this article, it is to the land of phallic plastic toys.  I am not saying dildo is a profanity, but it is hardly a word that makes it into your normal conversation.  Or maybe it does and if so, I am ok with that.  Because as the title of this article told you, I support the U of Texas dildo protest and you should too.

Whip It Out!

There is a very important point of clarification that needs to take place right now.  First of all, I love and support the 2nd amendment.  Never let that be in doubt.  Personally, I am however an advocate that the open carry of weapons is senseless as I have written about this many times.  As much of America is on the fence about the 2nd amendment, all open carry does is push those on the fence in the direction of gun control.  Moreover, it is tactically a poor choice as those who intend ill and still have the element of surprise now have the ability to mark target number one.  As a Marine Infantry Veteran who patrolled the streets of Iraq, I knew that just about every other household had an AK-47.  Yet, I typically only became concerned when someone decided to whip it out.  An ill-advised choice when facing a squad of Marines as our preference was that you keep it in your burka.  Much of America feels the same about guns here at home and I get it.  You might feel otherwise about open carry, but this is just me.

Marines in Chattanooga

But in that regard, my policy on the open carry of weapons and dildos is remarkably similar.  Also in that regard, let me just say that the latter phrase is one I never thought I would have to type.  The protestors are off a bit in that the new Texas law permits the conceal carry while this protest plans to open carry their dildos.  As such, from this point on, I am going to speak to the dildo carriers of the University of Texas as if they should follow the same path as the new law you are in fact protesting.  Don’t whip it out and I’ll give you the same grace I would any conceal carry gun owner in America.  You would rather not see my gun that I have a 99% chance of never using on a human being and I would rather not see your dildo that you have a 99% chance of having just used on a human last Saturday night after the frat party.  Deal?  Because it is rarely too early to start explaining the constitution with your kids, but dildos witnessed by children might spur conversations that are a little before their time.

It is Your Right!

Here me out America, it is your right to own a dildo if you so choose.  And if you want to carry one in your backpack or on your person while at University, who am I to complain?  Granted I can’t really say that it is your constitutional right to carry a dildo unless you were particularly clever and have a dildo shaped like a bear’s arm, but I think we can read the sum of the constitution and say that you have the right.  Sure, the constitution specifically mentions the right to own a firearm, shaped like a bear or not, but why not protest and fight for your right to carry an implied right in order to protest an explicit right.

gun rights in texas

NSA whistleblower Ed Snowden said this in a TED talk when asked about why we should care if we have done nothing wrong and the government is listening in on us.  He stated, “Well, so the first thing is, you’re giving up your rights.  You’re saying hey, you know, I don’t think I’m going to need them, so I’m just going to trust that, you know, let’s get rid of them.  It doesn’t really matter, these guys are going to do the right thing.  Your rights matter because you never know when you’re going to need them.”

Personally, I find that statement fascinating given that so many who support gun control would applaud Ed Snowden for exposing to you that the government was violating your rights without your knowledge.  But the founding fathers didn’t foresee the creation of automatic weapons or mass shootings you say?  Well, they probably didn’t foresee the government’s ability to spy on you and your dildo via webcam last night either.  But rights are rights and as Ed Snowden said, your rights matter because you never know when you are going to need them.

The Odds

I don’t believe the government is spying on everyone and their dildos every night any more than I believe everyone with a gun is a threat to America.  In fact, I believe the latter much less.  There are over 300,000,000 million guns in America and the proven statistics show us that about 299,970,000 of them are not going to kill anyone this year.  I don’t know how many illegal wiretaps the NSA might conduct each year on American citizens, but let’s be honest in that you would hardly be surprised if it exceeded .0001% of the population, which is what the same ratio of gun deaths to guns in America would be.

Texas Dildo Gun Protest

It is all tragic when guns take a life.  Of the 30,000 gun deaths each year, almost 2/3rds are from suicide and in a Veteran community who possibly commits suicide at a rate of 22 day, that is horrifying.  But your rights matter because you never know when you’re going to need them.  And much like an explicitly constitutionally guaranteed gun, if you feel like you need your constitutionally implied dildo to make a point, then so be it.  I would preference you keep it hidden just like I preference conceal carry over open carry.  Personally, I am not afraid of guns.  However, the idea of being bludgeoned to death by a pack of dildos is absolutely terrifying.  I’ll take a round to the head any day rather than be slapped to death with the remnants of the poor sexual decisions of college students these days.  But I suppose it is your right to protest what you feel strongly about and even if that is something I am a fan of, talking about guns not dildos, then it is still your right.

The protestors are using the hashtag, #CocksNotGlocks and I would rather like to suggest the hashtag, #CocksOrGlocks, #Whatever, #JustWhipOutTheRightOneForTheRightScenario.  For I will say it again, your rights matter because you never know when you are going to need them.  I am again sorry for all the uses of the word dildo in this article, but not nearly as sorry as I am for Googling the phrase, “Texas Dildos” in my research for this article.  I am off to erase the hard drive on my computer now, but for the rest of America, let’s get serious about these things we call rights, because it sounds like our founding fathers were at the least.  If You Believe Rights Matter Because You Never Know When You Are Going to Need Them, Like the Unprecedented Mediocrity Facebook Page Below!

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10 Replies to “I Support the University of Texas Sex Toy Protest against Guns, and You Should Too”

  1. No, sorry guys you have this one wrong. Open carry of firearms is not senseless – what makes it difficult is that responsible, cool headed, well trained and disciplined folks have been shamed away from open carry by people who can’t get their head wrapped around the idea of some one besides a fat ass clown open carrying an AK-47 into a Denny’s. I see responsible open carry here in Alaska on a regular basis, it is a non event. No one panics, the cops aren’t called, they aren’t attacked by a bad guy trying to steal their gun. You start off your article with your credentials, well here are mine: 9 years in the Marine infantry, 3 combat tours, 3 years as a street cop, 5 years as a fed. Theses morons can protest with dildos all they want, sure it’s their right but they will earn nothing but scorn from me. By being yet another mouthpiece to shutting down responsible open carry you are doing nothing more than helping erode a right. Just this old grunts two cents.

    1. I open and conceal carry. Just depends on what Im doing that day. Its not just Alaska Ryan. The town I live in no one give me a second look when I open carry. My humble opinion is most bad guys will go somewhere else if they see someone with a gun on them. If they want to refer to the school shootings we have had where the shooter is messed up in the head, well. They had it together enough to hit a gun free zone instead of the police station. Folks like to say that open carrying makes you a target but when I try to research and find stories where open carry folks were attacked by criminals I come up short with any facts to actually back the claim. I can find plenty of stories of folks that were attacked while being unarmed or concealed. Just this old POGs opinion.

    2. I will admit that if you can take the highest standard of open carry, the public might view it differently. But the fat clown in the Ak-47 seems to be who is embrassing this idea most. A professional looking man with a holstered weapon is much different. But still, most carry people confess they conceal carry because they find it more practical. The gun debate will continue to rage in America and how we carry shapes public opinion. You sound like the top of the line professional, but I fear the clowns will abuse this and ruin public sentiment.

  2. I agree that open carry is not smart. Most people have no concept of weapon retention and a bad guy sizes everyone up and, in doing so, always looks for a weapon he can take and use on you. A large number of cops are killed with their own weapon and they are supposed to know what they are doing. It makes me nervous to see some old fat man in wal mart with a Glock and 2 extra magazines. Or some retard who walks around with a rifle. If you really want to protect yourself don’t show all your cards. I’m a cop and I rarely carry openly. My wife and I laughed at this at 5 this morning. She is teaching contemporary issues class to high schoolers and the 2 d Amendment is her hot topic this month. She would love to use this in her class if not for “that” word.

    1. Shane if your gonna say it’s not smart and say a large number of cops get killed by their own gun then you have to give statistics because you just sound like a Whiny baby who’s scared of seeing guns and no regard for your own life.

    2. Ha, Shane that would be awesome if she could have used that in this class. However, I agree, the dildo probablly ruined any educational value.

  3. Mark Twain said there are 3 types of lies; lies, damn lies and statistics. I am a 23 veteran of the US Marines, Infantry, and have seen combat. I currently serve as a Deputy US Marshal on a fugitive task force where I have been for the last 10 years. I have seen a little bit. A lot of people carry weapons legally and they should, provided they have the training and resolve to make a hard decision smartly and quickly. Unfortunately I believe that there are more than a few who don’t. I am no expert by any means but I have seen enough idiots out there to know that some have no business carrying weapon, openly or otherwise.

    1. I vouch for Shane. Gunny is a hard man and combat tested! There is always a cost/benefit analysis we must make. I think the cost of open carry, mainly because of the douches who don’t know what they are doing, actually hurt the debate and turn moderates away from a strong support of the 2nd amendment.

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