Anyone a fan of the movie Tombstone? I am. Great movie. Sure Kurt Russell as Wyatt Earp is the hero, but truthfully we all love Val Kilmer’s Doc Holliday. This movie is stocked full of quotes. There is Doc’s epic, “Say When” Then you have Wyatt’s line, “Go ahead and skin that smoke wagon and see what happens.” And let’s not forget about Curly Bill Brocious’, “Well… Bye”. However, the line that I reference in the picture above is Wyatt Earp’s line, “You tell em I’m coming…. and Hell’s coming with me, you hear.” And thus, let’s proceed to our coalition against ISIS.
Did you catch that, France. I mean France has joined us in the bombing of ISIS. Truthfully this has my head spinning. We are talking about a country that is synonymous with surrender and military weakness. Now I admit that is probably an unfair comparison. None of us really know what it’s like to live next to an uber aggressive Germany in the 20th century. But reputation is less about fact and more about rumor. So in that regard, France is coming with us. Crazy.
Now again, truthfully, France has been on a little aggressive tilt lately. Maybe they are like the kid who gets called weak for so long, they just snap and start fighting everyone in their sight. However, France has gotten a little aggressive lately and I have to say I like it. They did some work on their own blowing up terrorist in Africa this past year. And now, they have jumped in to the war against ISIS. I mean, it really is a war isn’t it. But we will get to that point in a little bit.
That’s right, we got girls in our coalition as well. Namely, a female fighter pilot from the United Arab Emirates. I love this. Perhaps more than having France even. Now, I saw some reports on the internet that ISIS doesn’t want to die at the hands of woman because that means they won’t go to Muslim heaven. Truthfully, I don’t know if that is true, but we will stick with it because I like it. But the UAE has a female fighter pilot dropping bombs on ISIS.
Now, assuming that it’s true about the woman killing them, I wonder how that plays out in Muslim heaven. Does the ISIS wife beater trash think he is going to get to his paradise destination, look at his 72 virgins, and then be denied because Allah is all like, man, sorry, that was a chick that bombed you, no virgins for you. To be clear I don’t believe in Muslim heaven, but I can imagine for this scenario can’t I. I mean if true, shouldn’t bombs dropped by women be pink or something to give them a fair chance at running extra fast. And if it’ts really true, I say we just float a pink zeplin over the middle east full of My little Pony and Hello Kitty themed bombs. That should quiet them down quite nicely.
War. Is it too much to ask for me to get an actual war. I know, I did indeed personally fight in a war in Iraq and we have been at war for about 13 years now. However, it just seems a little less official without a declaration from Congress. I know we have cool names for them and all, Operation Desert Storm, Operation Enduring Freedom, Operation Iraqi Freedom. But once, just once, I want a full fledged constitutional war.
Am I asking too much? We have done a whole lot of killing since WWII, but that was our last official war. Personally, I think a War vote in the age of 24/7 news media and the internet would be epic. Could you imagine all the speeches we could see, the posturing, the punditry, and the internet memes? I’m telling you, we are missing out. I just want a good old fashioned, my nation is trying to kill your nation, War. Congress makes it official, and we declare it over when you have sign a paper saying Uncle. On a Battleship preferably. That would be cool. So I am all for this military intervention in against ISIS, I just want an official declaration of War. Write your Congressman, email the President, or call Captain America. I just want a war. Who’s with me?
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