Ok, that title might have been too long.  I have this software on my blog that tells me when a certain title or headline is less than ideal.  Its going nuts right now, but that’s ok.  This is my blog and I’ll be darned if I let some software tell me what to type. I am certain there will come a day when Robots will rule and kill us all, but that day is not today. Suck it Skynet. So anyway, here is the thing.  It’s Christmas Eve and social media, regular media, and even those printed paper things with words on them are going nuts right now as well about the happenings of America. We have ISIS trying to kill us, North Korea trying to kill our entertainment, and crazy people trying to kill our cops.  Crazy people, every last one of them.  So let me offer this Christmas Eve message to America.

Calm Down

That’s it.  That is the first message for this wonderful evening.  Calm, the something, down.  Look, I am not saying that there are not bad things afoot in our country.  There are and it is bearing tragic fruit. However, you know how when you are on an airplane and it has a sudden loss of altitude or a particularly rough bout of turbulence?  What does everyone do?  They look at the flight attendants.  Chances are, if they look fine, then you know you are fine.  If you look at them and they are freaking out, then get to the drink cart as quickly as possible because a blaze of glory might be in your future.  Sorry if your reading this in an airport right now.


So calm down America, calm down. Rhetoric kills. It literally kills.  We live in an age where a word can travel across the nation in seconds.  The first amendment protects stupid speech just like any other.  But guess what, that doesn’t make it less stupid or deadly.  Most importantly, both sides of the political spectrum are responsible for this elevated rhetoric. If I believed everything I read on social media, then I currently live in a world where the President is a cop murdering Muslim tyrant and the common cop likes to shoot people who are sitting at home reading their bibles. Because that is the type of stuff I am reading and its maddening.  Calm down People.  Serenity now if you must.

Crazy People

You know what crazy people like to do?  Crazy stuff. Imagine that.  In Las Vegas, a couple of anti-government conspiracy theory anarchist brutally gun downed a couple of cops earlier this year.  Then, just this week, an individual utilized the current hands up/I can’t breathe protest as justification to do the same.  You know what they had in common?  Certainly not their political views.  What they had in common was they were a little crazy to start with and they were inflamed with careless rhetoric to commit an atrocity on our law enforcement.

Whether you are an anarchist opposed to

Here is the thing America, if you rattle the crazy cages long enough with this type of inflamed talk, then you can’t be surprised when a few crazies fall out.  I have said it before, but that is all that ISIS is trying to do to us with their threats of lone wolf attacks. They don’t know anyone here in America.  They just post stuff on social media under the hopes that a poop throwing nut job will see it and act on it.  Just the other day there was an ISIS threat to blow up a bridge here in Memphis that spans the Mississippi river.  Foolish ISIS doesn’t know that here in Memphis our interstates already operate in a state of perpetual construction.  So honestly, when you blow up bridge, we will just assume it’s another construction project we are going to have to live with for the next 10 years.

Shhh, America, Shhhh

It’s Christmas eve America.  Let’s settle down and talk a bit.  I am convinced that our law enforcement will win the day in this recent battle with the crazies.  Why, because the good guys always win in America. If they didn’t we wouldn’t be sitting here today.  Look, I know we do things the hard way for the sake of liberty.  I guess you could trample right to assembly, right to bear arms, or right to free speech and give our law enforcement greater control over the population.  However, that’s not an America in which I want to live.

Millions of people are confronting

America is working people. It’s okay.  I think some of the protest going around are the equivalent of protesting unicorns.  No one is getting shot by police with their hands in the air while saying don’t shoot. So when a protester yells, “Hands up, Don’t Shoot” to a cop, my suggestion as a response is for the cop to yell back, “OK”.  Problem solved.  However, I love the protests, because protest smell like America.  It smells like we can still freely assemble and stay safe at the same time.


Shhh, America, Shhh, its okay darling. Grab a drink.  Let’s relax and celebrate that our liberties are the envy of the world.  Let’s quit giving the relatively few such a prominent voice because they are loud. We can’t eliminate all the crazy people in America.  However, we don’t have to dangle explosive rhetoric in their faces and then act all shocked when they act on it.  Everyone.  I’m talking to everyone from Bundy ranch supporters in Nevada to the current protesters in New York. Calm down.  This was always going to be messy.  America is working.  Just quit freaking out.

I dont'

For every individual posting about killing cops, there exists 10,000 cops who would take a bullet for one another.  For every terrorist wanting to blow up something in America, we have 5 bombs actually blowing up stuff at their place tonight. And, North Korean internet went out.  So screw you Kim Jong Un, I’m watching the interview tomorrow online.  Why, because it’s America and America is working.

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