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Unto Me a Child Was Born and Wyatt Shall Be His Name

A son was born

So it’s true. My son was born today.  Now you might be wondering what this personal news has to do with what I typically write about here on Unprecedented Mediocrity. Well, let me remind you that this is indeed a blog about stuff and I classify my new son as stuff.  In addition, as I sit here and type this blog with one hand due to holding Wyatt in the other, I’ll just let whatever other stuff that happens to come out find it’s way on to this blog.  So here we go.

The Beauty of Childbirth

Can we just go ahead and be honest about this fact? The beauty of childbirth is a big fat lie.  I’m not saying it’s not miraculous, so calm down.  I’m just saying it ain’t pretty folks.  I mean, it’s just awful.  Like the worst thing you have ever seen.  Wyatt is my 3rd child as I have two daughters as well.  Let me just say that I have yet to have a child that didn’t look like it needed to be licked by a cat or something before a picture was even legal. But I love them all of course.  Just give me a wetnap first.

Hat’s off to you ladies and in particular my wife.  I mean, I’m a war veteran.  I’ve traveled the world.  I’ve seen and done a thing or two you know.  But if what happens to moms in childbirth started happening to me, I would assume the world is ending and all is lost.  As merely a spectator of the birth, I wanted some of the drugs flowing around that room. Mom’s are amazing and in particular my wife.  I’ll go fight ISIS with water balloons before I give birth.  Seriously, that’s a great idea.  Drop water balloons on ISIS,  It will  be at least a month before they realize we are just messing with them.

The Blog

So as I sat here contemplating my kid’s future, I began to think how fascinating it will be that they could literally travel back in time via this blog and read the things I wrote as I assume this internet stuff stays around forever.  My kids will be getting a snap shot of who I am at this particular point in history. Will they be proud of who I am or ashamed? Am I on the wrong side of history or the right? Fascinating to consider. And kid’s if your reading this from the future and global warming is legit, then thank me now for all those swim lessons.

Look, I am no partisan hack.  If you read enough of my stuff, you notice I have fairly conservative leanings.  However, I value my independent mind and can only hope my children strive for as much.  I am very much a free market and low taxes kind of thinker.  However, I somewhat believe that rich people will kill us all as soon as they can get robots to take our places.  I think one should be rewarded for the fruits of their labor, and if that makes you rich then so be it.  But I am extremely concerned that the ultra wealthy are unwilling to play by the same rules that made them rich once wealth is attained.  So 50 years from now, will I be viewed as a poor plebe who helped the rich get richer or one who spoke for all to have access to life, liberty, and the pursuit of cool rich people stuff.

When I wrote the article mocking the Ferguson rioters, I gained a bunch of new followers.  However, when I wrote the article suggesting the man in New York was unjustly albeit inadvertently killed by police, I lost a couple of followers.  What is it that makes any opposing thought so unpalatable that they cannot even lay eyes upon it? You see I have enjoyed 99% of the interaction I have had with Unprecedented Mediocrity readers these past 4 months.  It’s been a forum for great discourse and I value it all.  My approach is to not attempt  to be a pundit and argue you towards my point of view.  Rather, I merely reflect to you where I am at on matters and let that do to you what it may.  I trust you to know yourself and discover truth.

So what will baby Wyatt and his sisters think of what I have written?  Truthfully, I have no idea.  However, as long as they realize their dad thought for himself, I will be just fine.  I also hope that they have never heard of ISIS by that time and General Mattis is on the $100 bill.  Move over Ben Franklin, President Mattis brought his artillery this time and he is fresh out of tears.

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Jeff Edwards

6 Comments

  1. Jeff congratulations on the birth of your son. I have 3 girls and a boy and it was great to have a like minded addition to the house to help combat all the emotions and hormones. He is all grown up now and a brand new LCPL, and has left me alone with the women so I’m on my own again. Like a new car there is nothing that matches new baby smell. He is fortunate to have you for a dad. Loved the article as usual. God bless you my friend.

    • Thanks man. It’s cool your son joined the Marines. I think it would be cool to have that legacy. Because let’s face it, my son can join the marines but my daughters will surely never date one! I simply know too many!

  2. Mr. Edwards,
    A hearty huzzah and congratulations are in order. I know your wife did most of the heavy lifting but it will be up to you to show this young rapscallion how to throw a ball straight.
    Ok, enough with the pirate talk. As a father of three also, just on the other end of the spectrum, I can tell you with your attitude you will do just fine and at the end of it all your children will love you. As you probably already have found out, kids have keenly accurate bullshit sniffers. Use that to your benefit. Weed out all the shitstains in your life with their ability to see through people.
    Take delight and complete joy in embarrassing them at every turn. It will give them stories to tell about Grandpa.
    I was hard on my kids. I mean razor strap and woodshed hard on them. I told my mother in law once, when she intimated that if I kept being hard on them they wouldn’t love me, I don’t care if they love me but they will be the best people they can be. I did learn along the way that I had to pick my battles. Sometimes it was best to let them think they had gotten away with something. It has given me stories to tell my grandkids.
    I still ask myself the same question you asked. Did I do it right? Only time will tell. But all three have given service to our country. They are all three in college right now. The two girls ((I, too, had two girls and a boy. Just the other way around) didn’t get pregnant in school, none of them are addicted to anything and from what I can tell they do actually seem to love me.
    Most of all, don’t listen to pretentious asshats that assume to tell you anything about raising your kids, as I have just done. Just make the decision when it comes, and hope for the best.

    • Thanks Dave for the encouragment. Sounds like you did an awesome job with your kids. I fully plan to embarrass my kids as i feel like that is a hidden joy of parenthood. Life gets a little busier with 3 kids, but we will manage it. I look forward to continuing writing and they can read all about me as they grow up.

      • Without blowing smoke up your ass, I hope you do keep writing your blog. I can say with assurity that your blog posts are the only thing that I actually look forward to in my email, or in my whole internet experience.
        If you are ever buzzing past my part of the world, stop in and I will buy the first two rounds. I would more than happy to sit and solve the worlds problems with you over Jack.

        • That sound like a great idea. Let me know what part of the world that is and who’s knows, it could happen. Thanks for the support and the first two rounds!

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